on Nov 1st, 2007The comback kid …
I did it. I had a big break down. It was me in one corner, God in the other. I wrestled with my inne-demons .. more like my human nature .. and God was my tag team partner.
Though, it’s funny. I was against the ropes, getting kicked in the groin by selfishness and pride, and did I reach for God to come in and whomp on it? No, of course not. I tried to do it myself. When I couldn’t, I got mad at God for no jumping in - though I wouldn’t really let Him do anything. It’s almost as if He’d come in and I’d push Him away so I could get kicked more.
What I was really struggling with is the fact that things weren’t going my way. Things weren’t going how I planned, or how I thought they should. I somehow convincd myself that God would give me everything I ever wanted: money, toys and an easy life. In fact, the Bible says nothing of the sort. It says that I’ll be persecuted for believing in Him. The ol’ serpent and his pals will try harder to dissuade me from the Gospel. Keep me from prayer, His word, growth and fellowship.
But I realized, believing that I deserve better is a sure sign of weakness and selfishness. My life should revolve around what GOD wants and gives, not what I want and think I deserve.
I pray, as often as I remember, that I’ll not have a selfish mind and heart but a clear vision of what God has in store.
